HEADQUARTERS

The Barker Foundation
7979 Old Georgetown Road
First Floor
Bethesda, MD 20814
301-664-9664

1-800-673-8489

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SATELLITE OFFICES

2957 Monticello Drive
Falls Church, VA 22042
703-536-1827

1066 - 30th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20007
202-298-7724

Being adopted is not a simple thing. It brings up lots of different feelings. Some people who were adopted say it makes them feel special. Others say they grapple with feelings of rejection and even abandonment. Most adoptees are somewhere in between. Sometimes they feel that adoption is a big deal and other times it seems less significant. Wherever you are, you can be sure you are not alone. "Normal" adoption feelings are all over the map.

One of the most important things about being adopted is to realize that you are not the only person who feels the way you do. But very often the other people in your family or your friends have trouble imagining how you feel. They think you should have simple feelings like gratitude or anger. That's why they can say things that are hurtful or just plain wrong.

Talking to other people who understand adoption -- either because they themselves were adopted, or are a birthparent, or they work with lots of adopted people -- can be very helpful. It makes you feel normal. It also gives you tools to use when thinking about being adopted.

For example, it helps to understand that the word "search" means two different things. The first is the process all adopted people go through of figuring out what being adopted means to them. That's a more complicated task than it might look. In fact, most adopted people work on it in bits and pieces all their lives. It is universal whether you were adopted in this country or abroad.

"Search" also means trying to meet your birth parents face-to-face. It helps to talk to someone to explore how it would feel to see someone who looks like you and to be able to ask lots of questions, but also what would happen after that meeting.

These are all-important questions to ask of someone who is knowledgeable about adoption.

Often people ask how old you need to be to search. In the District of Columbia, where most of our Domestic cases were finalized, you have to be 18 to petition the court to open the file. Many people agree that it is good to wait until you're a little older to think about searching for birth parents because there are so many other things you are doing when you are a teenager or in your early twenties. This is an important undertaking, one that will impact lots of other people. It is worth your time to be sure you go about it in the right way.

At Barker we think it is normal for people who were adopted to think about these things, and lots of related questions. If you are over 18, were placed by our agency and would like information from your file, you might want to see what assistance is available to you from our lifelong services. Whether or not you were placed by Barker, adoptees over 18 are all welcome to attend our Adopted Persons Group.    

Being adopted is part of who you are, just like many other things about you. At certain times you may think a lot about it. At other times it will simply be part of the background against which you live your life. If we can be assistance, don't hesitate to contact us.

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